


Those Who Wander Alone

by wbss21



Category: The Avengers, Thor - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Bullying, Friendship, Little Brother Loki, Protective Thor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-02
Updated: 2015-02-20
Packaged: 2018-02-03 03:26:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1729415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wbss21/pseuds/wbss21
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Avengers/Thor High School AU: Loki doesn't have any friends, and maybe Jane's right, maybe there's a reason for that. But Darcy isn't so sure, and she's always had a weakness for aloof outcast loners.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Those Who Wander Alone

Chapter 1:

Darcy Lewis steps through the double doors leading out of the cafeteria and to the schools back field, foot holding it part way open while fussing distractedly with her backpack, trying to stuff her history textbook past the partially closed zipper.

A moment later, and the whole thing ends up falling out of her grasp, book splaying open and face down along the pavement, pack lying beside it, contents half spilled out.

She sighs, rolling her eyes.

This is what she gets for being lazy, she guesses. Someone inside the cafeteria shouts out to her, “Klutz!” 

Darcy looks back over her shoulder, eyes narrowing in feigned indignation, scowling at Jane, her best friend, as the girl points and laughs good humouredly at her.

“Whatever bitch!” Darcy calls back, and Jane pretends to be offended, pressing her palm against her chest and widening her eyes, mouth agape in shock.

Darcy just laughs, before turning back and gathering the rest of her stuff, standing back up and letting the door swing shut behind her.

She wants to stay and eat lunch with Jane and the rest of her friends, but she failed last night to finish her homework for her next period, and if she doesn’t get it done now, she’s going to lose credit. It’s too damn loud in the cafeteria for her to focus, so she told the gang she was going to have to skip out on them and that she’d be at the track bleachers, finishing up her assignment if they needed her.

Finally getting the book secured in her bag, she looks up, eyes momentarily scanning over the field before her.

No one else is out here, the field empty.

Or at least, that’s what it looks like at first glance.

Eyes shifting back where they started, and she suddenly notices, all the way on the other side of the field, under a large Ash tree, is a boy. At least, she thinks it’s a boy. It’s kind of hard to tell from this distance. 

He’s sitting there, all by himself.

Darcy frowns, staring at him a long, few seconds, before shrugging and starting to make her way towards the track.

She can’t help stealing glances at the kid as she moves, and passing a little closer, she sees he’s eating lunch, a brown paper bag crumpled in his lap, it looks like.

Her eyes move up to his face, and she realizes abruptly who it is.

She’s seen him around the school a couple times since the school year started, a freshman.

Every time she’s seen him, he’s been by himself, and now seems to be no exception.

She wonders about that a little.

Doesn’t he have any friends? 

She doesn’t even know the kid, but something about seeing him out here, with no one else around, no one to talk to, eating his little sack of food all alone, makes her feel bad.

Darcy’s never been one to overanalyze her own emotions. She acts as she feels. And so she doesn’t think twice as she suddenly decides screw the bleachers and her homework, she can always make up for it with extra credit or something, and starts making her way towards the boy under the tree.

He doesn’t even notice her until she’s about ten feet away, his eyes having been cast to the ground, half eaten sandwich in his hand.

He looks startled as she comes nearer and, she notices, almost… afraid? His eyes are wide and wary, and he looks like he’s trying to decide whether he should freeze and not move or get up and run.

Darcy isn’t deterred as she comes to a stop about three feet from him and smiles.

“Hi.” She says, and he only stares up at her in confusion. 

“Aren’t you Thor’s little brother?” She asks.

Thor, Jane’s boyfriend and generally thought of as the hottest guy in school. It doesn’t hurt that he’s the quarterback for their football team, built like a shit brick house, and retarded handsome. 

Looking at the boy before her, (what’s his name again?), Darcy has a hard time believing the two of them are actually related.

She can see this kid is tall. Not as tall as Thor, not nearly, but tall. And he’s skinny. And where Thor’s hair is wheat blonde, with beautiful tanned skin and the bluest eyes she’s ever seen, his brother’s hair is black as a raven’s wing and with skin pale as snow, eyes a vivid green.

He doesn’t answer her, and she frowns slightly.

“Um, hello?” She asks, and that seems to snap him out of whatever daze he’s in.

He looks away quickly, gathering what’s left of his lunch back into the paper sack and starting to stand.

Without a word, he begins to move past her, keeping his eyes fixed down, and without thinking, Darcy reaches out, grabbing his arm and stopping him.

“Hey…” she starts, brow furrowing. “You okay?”

He freezes in her grip, body going rigid. He doesn’t look up.

Seconds pass, and then she hears him speak, voice soft and smooth as velvet…

“… Please let me go.” He says, and it sounds almost like a question, like he’s desperate.

Gradually, Darcy loosens her grip, fingers sliding away and hand falling back to her side.

“Sorry, I…” she begins.

But then he just keeps walking, his ridiculously long legs carrying him quickly away from her.

It only causes Darcy to redouble her efforts, her interest now fully piqued. 

“Hey, wait a second!” She calls, jogging to catch up to him. “I’m trying to talk to you!”

Abruptly he stops, turning and staring down at her.

And damn, he is tall.

He would be intimidating if he weren’t so thin, she realizes.

“Would you leave me alone?” He asks, voice a sharp hiss. “Just leave me alone.”

Darcy stares up at him, confusion etched across her features.

“I was only…” she starts, but he cuts her off again.

“Your friends sent you out here. Right? Because it’s funny. Go talk to the weird kid, see what he does.”

Darcy’s brow creases.

“What? No, I…”

“Only it isn’t funny to me.” he talks over her once more. “I’ve been through this a few times too many and I’m afraid it’s long since lost its appeal. So if you’ll excuse me…”

He turns and again starts walking away.

For a moment, Darcy finds herself stunned, just watching him, wondering what the heck that was all about, before she comes back to herself and runs after him again.

“Hey, wait a second! Nobody sent me out here!” She calls, catching up to him once more and grabbing at his wrist.

Again, he freezes at the contact, but she doesn’t let go, determined.

“I came over here ‘cause you looked lonely and, I dunno, I felt bad. I always see you around the school and you’re always by yourself. I just thought maybe you’d want someone to talk to or something.”

For a moment, he doesn’t move, staring ahead, silent.

And then, finally, he glances back down at her, eyes suspicious, and with that same hint of fear she’d first seen.

He tugs at the grip she has on his wrist.

“Please just let me go.” He says.

She keeps her hold a long instant more, before at last she relents.

And this time, when he walks away, she doesn’t chase after him.

//

The next time she sees Loki, she got his name from Thor during their fifth period algebra 2 class, is that same day, after school lets out, and she’s hanging out with Jane and Tony in the student parking lot, waiting for Steve to show up and drive them all home. Convenient they all live in the same neighborhood. 

She spots him walking across the space alongside Thor. 

Thor is talking and laughing loudly, his muscled are swung and draped across his younger brothers thin shoulders. Loki has his gaze fixed to the ground, clutching a book to his chest with one arm, the other carrying his bag. He doesn’t seem to respond to anything Thor is saying, but Thor keeps on talking anyway.

Darcy smirks. Typical Thor. Couldn’t ask for a nicer guy, but damn, if he isn’t self-absorbed sometimes.

She’s still somewhat confused by her earlier encounter with the younger Odinson.

Loki had acted so afraid. And then that whole thing with him thinking her friends had sent her out there to, what, make fun of him or something? It was totally bizarre.

Seeing him next to Thor now, the contrast between them is even more stark, and Darcy once more finds herself having a hard time believing they’re actually brothers.

But everyone knows they are.

Darcy’s never actually seen it, but there’s all kinds of gossip around the school about Thor kicking the crap out of anyone dumb enough to bully Loki while he’s around. Apparently, Thor’s been given after school detention so many times, he’s set some kind of record.

Thor had acted suspicious of her when she’d asked him about Loki earlier, wanting to know why she was asking, and that had only caused Darcy to grow more curious about the younger sibling. Apparently, neither brother thought is plausible someone could actually be interested in Loki sincerely, and that just depressed Darcy.

She continues to watch as Thor and Loki reach Thor’s truck, and the elder opens the passenger side door for his brother, waiting for Loki to get comfortably inside the cab.

He leans in a moment later, saying something to the smaller boy, and Darcy sees him reach up, pushing Loki’s black hair gently back behind his ear, the action full of affection and kindness.

Loki just seems to bow his head. If he says anything back to Thor, Darcy can’t make it out. And then Thor is closing the door and moving around to the drivers side, climbing in.

She sees him reach over and check Loki’s seat belt, and feels her brow furrow slightly at the care and attention Thor seems to pay his little brother. She’s heard of protective older siblings, but this seems extreme, in a way.

Satisfied, Thor starts the engine, and a moment later, they’ve taken off, disappearing out of sight shortly after.

“Darcy, are you even listening to me?” She hears Jane beside her suddenly, and she turns. Jane is glaring at her, exasperated. 

“You were staring at Thor.” She snaps. “You better not be thinking of making moves on my boyfriend.” She sticks a finger in her face, waving it with mock hostility. 

Darcy grins goofily.

“Actually, I was kinda checking out Loki.”

For a moment, Jane looks confused.

“Loki? Thor’s brother?”

Darcy nods.

“He’s actually kinda cute, if you take the time to notice.”

Jane’s face scrunches up, like she’s about to disagree.

But then the expression fades, and she shrugs.

“Ehe, I guess he’s alright. But Darcy, I’m telling you, he’s got the personality of a viper. Every time I’ve been over to Thor’s house, his brother barely says a word to me, and he always just goes and hides in his room, like he can’t stand the sight of me or something. It’s no wonder he doesn’t have any friends, if he acts like that.”

Darcy frowns, looking back the way Thor and Loki had driven off.

“… Well maybe he’s just shy.” She muses quietly.

She hears Jane sigh.

“Darcy, I hope you aren’t developing some kind of interest. First off, Thor’s, like, UBER protective of him. I mean it. I was a little bit snide to him once, and I thought Thor was going to break up with me for it. He got so mad, giving me some lecture about how his brother is all sensitive and I shouldn’t ever be mean to him. But Christ, he was mean to me first! And second of all, you start hanging out with Loki, that’s like, social SUIDICE! Seriously, nobody likes him.”

Darcy gives her a look.

“What?” Jane asks.

“Like I’ve ever cared what anyone thinks.” Darcy replies simply. “And how can nobody like him when no ones ever given him a chance? That’s just stupid.”

And that, Jane considers, is definitely food for thought.

She sighs.

“Look, I’m just telling you, Loki’s a weird kid. There’s something… I dunno, wrong with him I think. Thor tells me he’s got issues with depression or something and… well, you ever take a look at his wrists?”

Darcy looks at her confusedly.

Jane makes a slashing motion across the backs of her wrists, nodding as understanding lights in Darcy’s eyes.

“Yup. Apparently he’s tried to kill himself more than a couple times. Thor told me once, but he doesn’t like to talk about it.”

“Is that why he’s so careful with him?” Darcy wonders absently, gazing back down the road.

“Huh?” She hears Jane ask.

“The way he handles him.” Darcy explains, turning back to her. “Thor. He was handling his brother like he was some kinda china doll or something.”

Jane shrugs.

“I dunno. Probably. I’m just saying, it’s dangerous territory Darc. That kid’s not okay. I know I’m being harsh, but I’m just looking out for you. I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“What are you two blabbing about?” Tony suddenly interjects, coming up behind them.

He’d run a minute ago to one of the vending machines to grab a soda.

“Nothing.” Jane says, rolling her eyes at their unrealistically obnoxious friend.

“You were talking about Thor’s kid brother, weren’t you?” Tony accuses with a smirk.

“Maybe.” Jane replies.

“Oh, he’s a sweet kid.” Tony replies, and both Jane and Darcy give him a surprised look.

Tony’s grin widens and he nods.

“Yup. I ran into him in the bathroom a couple weeks ago. Eyes all red and puffy like he’d been crying.” Tony gestures around his own face to indicate. “So I ask him if he’s alright, and he tells me to go fuck myself before storming out. Like I said, sweet kid.”

Jane sighs, rolling her eyes and shaking her head.

“You know he’s only twelve too, right Darcy?” She says.

“What? No way!” Darcy turns back to her. “How’s he even in high school?”

“Smart kid too.” Tony offers. “Apparently he skipped a few grades. I could’ve skipped a few grades too, but I woulda missed hanging out with my girls then!”

Jane shoves him against the shoulder, and Darcy smirks.

A moment later, Steve shows up, and they all end up piling into his car, idle chatter leading them onto other topics of conversation.

But Darcy’s mind is still on Thor’s little brother.

Only twelve? She never would’ve guessed to look at him. He was already several inches taller than her. But he did have that awkward, in the middle of a growth spurt look to him, and he was awfully skinny.

Her mind keeps wandering back to what Jane said though, about him trying to kill himself.

Twelve years old? And he’s tried to commit suicide? And then there was his almost terrified reaction to her earlier on the back field, and Thor’s suspicious reaction to her asking about him. The way Thor had touched Loki so gently, and handled him with such extreme attention and care.

And Darcy begins to wonder what the hell is going on. 

She begins to wonder what, exactly, this kid’s been through in his life.

Maybe Jane’s right. Maybe it’s a bad idea.

But Darcy can’t help but feel the urge to talk to Loki again, somehow.

She doesn’t know why.

Only a minute later, she determines to do just that.


	2. Chapter 2

"So, Thor…" Odin begins as they sit round the dinner table that night. "Are you excited about football season starting in a couple weeks?"

Thor looks up from his plate to his father, nodding enthusiastically.

"Yeah! I can't wait!" He answers. "I think the teams shaping up to be pretty good this year too."

Odin nods, seeming pleased.

"I think you'll do even better this year than last. For sure you'll make state champions." He says.

And again, Thor nods.

The conversation about the team continues between father and son for the next few minutes, and Frigga glances over at Loki, noticing him with his eyes fixed to his plate, pushing his food around with his fork.

He looks sullen, and hasn't spoken a word since they gathered.

She feels her chest constrict, a sudden pang of worry working its way up from the pit of her stomach.

"Loki, honey, are you feeling okay?" She interjects in the conversation, moving it to her youngest. "You've barely touched your food."

Thor and Odin stop in their exchange, both glancing to the young boy.

Loki glances up at his Mother, blinking, for a moment seeming confused.

And then he shrugs, looking back to his food.

"I'm alright." He answers softly, voice almost too quiet to hear.

A momentary silence falls over the room then, stretching.

"Did you…" Odin starts, as though just remembering his youngest, and that he should show some interest. "learn anything of particular note today in school?"

The curiosity sounds forced, but if Loki notices, he doesn't give any indication.

Instead, his eyes for a moment seem to light brightly as he looks up at his Father.

"We were learning about perspective in art class today!" He begins, sounding genuinely excited for the first time that night. "And how to gauge and depict proportion properly when looking at an object. There are all sorts of factors which come in, angle and shadow and light and…"

His voice trails off as he sees Odin's eye lose focus and slide away. He continues to nod, but he isn't listening.

"And some kid during gym class called me a fag and shoved me to the floor." He says suddenly, voice hard and angry.

"That's wonderful son." Odin says absently, even as both Thor's and Frigga's eyes go wide in shock and dismay.

Loki's face twists in a pained scowl, his entire frame going rigid.

His gaze drops back to his plate, and he goes silent.

"Odin!" Frigga chastises. "Did you not hear what your son just said?"

Odin looks to her, seeming for a moment lost.

"It's okay Mom." Loki says quietly, picking his fork back up and stabbing absently at his food.

"It's not alright." Frigga counters. "Odin, your son just told you he was bullied in school today, and you told him that was great! You're not even listening to him!"

For an instant, Odin actually looks shocked, and then his lips curl into a frown, and he looks back to Loki, starts saying…

"Loki, what…"

Abruptly, Loki pushes back from the table, standing.

He doesn't look up as he says…

"I'm feeling tired. I think I'm going to go to bed now, if you'll excuse me…"

And without another word, he turns, striding quickly from the dining room.

A moment later, they hear his bedroom door slam.

Frigga holds her face in her hands, shaking her head, as Odin stares dumbfounded after Loki, Thor fidgeting uncomfortably with his napkin.

"… I'll go check on him." The elder sibling finally mutters, sounding ashamed, though what for, Frigga can't figure. It wasn't Thor's fault.

As he exits the room to go check on his brother, Frigga finally lifts her face and glares at her husband.

"Odin, for the love of God, I can't believe you!" She hisses, not even bothering to hide her fury.

"What?!" Odin shoots back defensively. "It was a simple mistake. I've had a lot on my mind lately. The firms been overrun with work this last month, and…"

"Odin, stop. Do you not remember what his doctor said?!" She gestures angrily in the direction of Loki's room. "It's important we pay him attention and show him that we care! You know how easily he gets discouraged!"

"I know!" Odin shoots, frustrated and angry.

"Odin, just…" Frigga trails off, voice losing its edge, growing heavy and thick with worry. "We can't lose him."

She looks down, her hands folding tight together in her lap.

"If he hurts himself again…"

"He won't." Odin says pointedly. Only he sounds more like he's trying to convince himself than her.

"If he does," Frigga looks up at him, eyes shining wet. "I'll never forgive us. Because it will be our fault Odin. Do you understand? We're supposed to protect him."

"… I know." Odin replies, voice quiet now, having lost it's power.

For a moment, silence falls between them.

"… I just don't understand him sometimes." Odin murmurs finally. "He confounds me, that boy."

"Loki is a complicated child." Frigga answers. "That's what you get with gifted children like him. We always knew it wasn't going to be easy."

"That makes it no less difficult to deal with." Odin says back.

Frigga nods.

"But we have to try. For Loki, we have to try Odin."

"I am trying." He says.

"Not hard enough." She shoots in return quickly. "You know how sensitive Loki is. It's so easy to hurt him Odin. And he already feels so out of place. I fear what will happen if he should…"

"He won't." Odin cuts off her thought. "… He won't."

/

Thor stands outside Loki's bedroom door a long, few seconds.

Just waiting.

He feels a reluctance he wishes he didn't.

A fear.

It wasn't so long ago, he was standing in this same spot, knocking softly on the door, waiting for a reply.

Receiving none.

Making his way in and finding…

His eyes close against the memory, vivid and sharp.

So much red, pooling everywhere.

And Loki, lying limp and still and deathly pale…

His own voice, hoarse with screaming so loud, crying for help as he cradled the unresponsive form of his little brother in his arms, so small and fragile and helpless…

He pushes the memory away, clenching his fists.

No, enough of that.

Enough.

He raises his hand, knocking gently.

"Loki?" He calls.

There's no answer, and he waits only a moment more, forcing the sick feeling threatening in his stomach down before reaching out and grasping the doors knob, twisting and pushing it open.

There's an awful and nauseating tension which sticks in his chest for those brief instants as his eyes scan over the room, his mind treacherously expecting the worst.

It dissipates almost immediately as it finds Loki, sitting on the floor on the other side of his bed, leaned up against the frame, only the back of his head visible.

Thor waits a moment before, quietly, he steps into the room, closing the door softly behind him and making his way to where his little brother sits.

Coming around the mattress, he looks down at him.

Loki is sitting with his knees pulled up to his chest, arms wrapped round and chin rested on top.

Thor waits a second more before lowering himself down beside him, his own back to the beds frame, knees up like his brothers.

He sits there, still a moment, before gently he nudges Loki's side with his elbow.

"Hey." He says.

Loki doesn't say anything for a long, few seconds.

"… Hey." He finally returns, almost soundlessly.

"… You okay?" Thor asks, glancing over at him.

Loki turns his face slightly away.

"… I'm okay." He says.

Thor knows he isn't.

A beat.

"… You want to talk about it?" Thor continues.

"No." Loki answers quickly, still looking away.

"Okay." Thor replies.

He waits.

And finally,

"He doesn't even care about me." Loki's voice cracks only just, and that's enough for Thor to know he's in trouble.

His heart crumples, and without even thinking, he reaches over and puts an arm around Loki's bony shoulders, pulling him against him.

"Loki, you know that isn't true. Father loves you."

"No he doesn't." Loki says. And he's fighting to keep his voice steady now. "He doesn't even know I'm there. He doesn't care. He doesn't care about me."

A long moment passes, and Loki turns, pressing his face into his arm, as though trying to hide.

"No one does." He says, and his voice is broken thick with tears.

"Loki," Thor says, staring down at him in dismay. "No. We care. All of us. We all love you so much."

Loki shakes his head, face still hidden against himself.

He's breathing hard, trying to keep himself from crying.

"Then why does everybody hate me?" He asks. His voice is thin and weak, and Thor almost doesn't understand him. "Why…"

He pauses, inhaling sharply and loudly.

Suddenly he looks up and turns to Thor, his eyes red, rimmed wet.

"Why doesn't he pay any attention to me?" He asks, almost pleading. "I try." He says. "I… I want him to Thor. I want him to notice."

Abruptly he looks away again, frame going rigid with tension.

"I know I'm not the best at anything like you. I know I'm not strong or tough or, or, or… or brave, but I'm trying as hard as I can, and it doesn't matter! Nothing I do is good enough. It's never good enough!"

"Loki," Thor says again, squeezing his shoulder. "that's not true. Don't say that."

"It would be better if I just didn't exist." Loki goes on as though he hasn't even heard his older brother. "It would be better if I was dead."

And Thor feels his heart drop down into the pit of his stomach, a consuming dread taking vicious hold of him and squeezing.

"Loki, no." He says sternly.

He moves, crawling around to face Loki, reaching out and taking hold of his shoulders.

"Look at me Loki." He says.

Loki keeps his face away.

"Loki, look at me." He repeats, giving him a rough shake.

And finally the younger boy does, glancing at him. He keeps his eyes on Thor only a moment before they flit down, swallowing thickly.

"You don't ever say that Loki." Thor says, leaning down slightly to try and catch his brother's eye. "Do you understand? Don't ever say anything like that again. Okay?"

Loki nods weakly, still staring away.

"Look at me and tell me okay Loki." Thor demands, again shaking him gently. "Look at me and say it."

Long seconds pass before, at last, Loki lifts his face, staring hesitantly at Thor, and he nods again.

"Okay." He says.

And Thor doesn't wait another instant, reaching around and pulling his brother into a hug, holding him against his chest.

He bends down, kissing the crown of Loki's head, lips pressed against soft, black hair.

"I love you Loki." He says.

Loki leans against him a moment, unmoving, before at last, his own, thin arms come around Thor's broad shoulders, and he breaths out quietly, voice trembling barely…

"I love you too Thor."

They sit like that for a long time, still.

Until eventually, Thor hears the deep and even breaths of his brother, his arms growing slack and falling away, limp at his sides.

And Thor scoops him up, standing with him, leaning down and pulling the covers from the bed, lying Loki across the sheets carefully.

He makes sure to remove Loki's shoes and socks before he bends down, kissing him softly along his temple. Loki doesn't stir, and Thor takes hold of the comforter, pulling it back up to the smaller boys shoulder.

For a moment more, Thor watches him, making sure he's okay, until finally he steps away, reaching out and switching off the rooms light before pulling the door open and stepping through, closing it soundless behind him.

All he can hear is Loki's voice, the words he said.

He feels sick, coming down the stairs, because he knows he has to tell Mother and Father.

He knows what will happen if he does.

He knows Loki will hate him for it.

He knows this. All of this.

He finds Frigga and Odin anyway.

And he tells them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: A HUGE thank you to everyone who read and reviewed the first chapter. I'm super glad you all seem to like it thus far. I hope you enjoy this chapter as well, and I'd love to keep hearing from all of you and your thoughts.


	3. Chapter 3

Jane sighs, rolling her eyes skyward and shaking her head.

Darcy has been talking incessantly in her ear for the past fifteen minutes, and she isn't sure she can take much more.

"Darc!" Jane finally snaps, glaring at her friend.

Darcy stops, staring wide eyed back at the other girl.

Again, Jane sighs.

"Look, I don't know why you're insisting on this. He's not even going to talk to you. Believe me. Thor's brother isn't the type. More likely he'll sneer at you and call you some ridiculously insulting name and then take off. That's what he does. I know."

Darcy shrugs, seeming unfazed by the warning.

"I just wanna try. Maybe if he sees I'm not trying to make fun of him…"

"Uh huh," Jane answers skeptically. "Listen Darcy, if Loki doesn't take your head off, Thor just might. I told you how he is about Loki. He'll think your planning something or… I don't know."

"Why?" Darcy asks, confused.

"Because… just…" Jane growls in frustration, trying to explain. She seems hesitant, like she isn't sure what she should and shouldn't reveal.

Finally, she exhales, and starts in a low voice.

"Listen, from what he's told me, Loki apparently used to get bullied in a really bad way, back when they still lived in England. Supposedly some really bad stuff went down. Thor hasn't shared any details, but he said it involved a bunch of other students, and Loki had to be pulled out of school for an entire year, and that's when all that stuff with, you know…" she motions across her wrists, "started. And, look, just don't tell him I told you any of this. It's private and he doesn't like it getting around. The only reason I'm telling you is because Loki's damaged goods, if you know what I mean, and I don't know what's going on with him."

Darcy's face is screwed up in contemplation, her eyes seeming distant as she absorbs everything Jane's just said.

Her mind runs rampant with thoughts of what it could all mean. She's had her fair share of bullying in her own life, and she knows what it's like to be made to feel like an outcast.

Though it never got so extreme she had to be taken out of school.

She isn't even sure if she wants to know what could have happened that was bad enough to cause such a thing.

She knows Jane is trying to scare her off getting involved with Loki, but if anything, it only makes her more determined to befriend the kid.

She just feels bad for him. And if Darcy knows anything about abrasive attitudes, it's that they're usually nothing more than a defense mechanism, and from everything she's hearing, it sounds like Loki's got more reason than most to be defensive.

Her thoughts are disrupted when she hears Jane say,

"There they are." And she looks up, seeing Thor pulling into the parking lot in his pickup.

She and Jane had been waiting in his usual parking spot for the last half hour. Jane usually waits for him in the mornings so they can walk to class together, sharing their first period and all. Darcy doesn't ever bother, usually waiting as long as she can before leaving home in the mornings.

She is definitely not a morning person. But she called Jane last night and told her she wanted to meet up with her in the parking lot the next day because she wanted to talk to Loki again.

Jane had tried her best to discourage her, but Darcy wasn't hearing it, and so here they were.

Darcy feels a kind of nervous anticipation as they watch Thor's truck come around and draw closer.

She hopes Loki doesn't have a problem with this. And if he does, she's just going to have to try harder. She's sure once Thor sees she's sincere in her efforts, he'll be okay with it. If he's as protective of his brother as Jane says, he can't be averse to Loki having friends.

Her nervousness dissipates to confusion as Thor pulls up, and they see the passenger side of the cab empty.

No Loki.

"Shit." Jane breaths quietly as Thor parks, and Darcy glances over at her, unsure.

"What?" She asks, just as Thor opens the door and steps out.

He looks unhappy, to say the least.

No, more like upset, Darcy would say.

And then Jane blurts out, unthinking,

"Where's Loki?"

And Thor's expression sours further, lips pulling into a frown, brow creasing heavy as though in pain.

He glances at Darcy a moment, eyes searching, before he turns back to Jane, and grabs hold of her arm gently, guiding her away.

Darcy watches after them, trying to catch what's being said as he begins speaking lowly to Jane.

"What's she doing here?" He asks, cocking his head in Darcy's direction.

Jane glances back at her friend briefly before turning back to Thor, shaking her head.

"She's got it into her head that she wants to be your brother's friend." She answers, exasperated. "Thor, what's going on? Is Loki okay?"

Thor continues staring over at Darcy suspiciously a long moment before, finally, he turns back to Jane and, slowly, he shakes his head no.

"Why?" She asks, suddenly urgent. "What happened?"

Thor's eyes flit to the ground, and for a long moment, he says nothing, Jane waiting with sickened anxiety.

"… There was a scene this morning." He begins warily. "Our parents called Loki's doctor, because of some stuff he said last night. He came over, Loki freaked out…" he trails off, glancing away, down the road.

Jane sees him swallow thickly, and without thinking, she reaches forward, grasping onto his arm softly, squeezing in reassurance.

Thor shakes his head.

"They took him to the hospital Jane." Thor says, looking back to her. His voice is strained, like he's holding back tears.

Jane frowns up at him.

"He didn't want to go, and…" again, he shakes his head. "It's all my fault Jane. I told my parents what he said last night. It's just, I was worried. I thought… I'm scared he might… that he might try…"

Again, he voice fades, and he isn't able to finish.

Jane rubs his arm soothingly.

"You did the right thing Thor." She tries to reassure. "It's okay. You did the right thing."

"But, if you'd seen him this morning..." Thor glances at her briefly before once more looking away. "He was so angry, screaming at all of us, and crying. He accused me of betraying him and said… said I didn't care about him."

"Thor," Jane answers. "you know that isn't true. You love your brother. Everyone knows that."

"But does he?" Thor asks, desperate.

He lifts a giant hand, wiping at his eyes.

"And then he just got all quiet, you know. The way that he does. And he didn't say anything, just let Dr. Banner take him away. I'm just so scared Jane. I'm so worried about him."

"I know." Jane says, voice soft. "I know Thor."

"What if he tries killing himself again?" Thor asks, voice shaking. "I can't handle this."

"He won't." Jane tries to reassure.

"What's going on?" Darcy finally speaks up, stepping towards the two.

Thor glares at her before turning away angrily, folding his arms over his broad chest and going silent.

"Nothing." Jane tries to intercede, turning towards her friend and putting her hands up.

"Did something happen to Loki?" Darcy ignores her, looking at Thor.

"It's nothing Darcy, just some trouble at home." Again, Jane tries, but Darcy pushes past her and steps around Thor, looking up at his 6'4" frame, apparently unintimidated.

"Where's your brother?" She asks bluntly.

"It's none of your concern." Thor shoots back, clearly displeased.

"Darcy," Jane begins, trying to pull her away.

"No, I want to know!" Darcy shrugs her off. "Is he okay?"

And finally, Thor snaps.

"No!" He nearly shouts, and Darcy can't help but jump at his booming voice. "He isn't! He's not okay. He's sick, alright?! And it's people like you who've made him that way! People that just don't know when to quit! People who think it's okay to fuck with him and don't see how much they're really hurting him! People who think it's cool to pretend to be his friend only to shit all over him later and make him look like a fool! You'll leave my brother alone! Just stay out of his life! Alright?! He doesn't need any more assholes like you making it harder for him than it already is!"

Without another word, Thor brushes past her and Jane, throwing the door to his truck back open and climbing in, starting the engine a moment later and taking off, the wheels screeching against the pavement as he speeds round the corner and out of sight.

The two girls stand there a long moment, unmoving, stunned.

Before at last, Jane whirls on Darcy.

"God damn it!" She growls. "I TOLD you Darcy. Fuck! Why couldn't you have just kept out of it?"

Darcy stares, taken aback by Jane's sudden outburst.

Jane grips the sides of her head, fingers curling into her hair.

"FUCK!" She shouts, squeezing her eyes shut. "He's probably never gonna wanna see me again!"

"Jane," Darcy starts, but Jane cuts her off.

"I told you his brother has problems Darc, but you didn't listen!" She says. "He's in a fucking mental hospital right now. Okay? You wanted to know what's going on with him? That's it! He's a fucking psycho! You wanna be friends with that? Be my guest. But if Thor breaks up with me over this shit, I'm… I…"

She growls again and turns towards the school, beginning to stalk off.

"Just don't talk to me right now!" She shouts back over her shoulder.

Darcy can only watch her disappear into the school, leaving her alone outside.

How the hell did everything fall apart so quickly?

/

Thor sits outside the hospital in his truck, hands gripping the steering wheel, forehead leaned against his knuckles, eyes closed.

He knows he should be in school right now. That his parents told him to just go, that it would help him keep his mind off Loki.

But he can't.

He just can't.

All he can think about is Loki. All he can keep seeing is the pained look in his brother's eyes before he went with Dr. Banner that morning, how quiet he'd gone after everything.

How Loki wouldn't look at him then.

He knows Loki's probably barely gotten through processing, and he doesn't even know if they'll allow him any visitors this early in the morning.

Of if Loki will even want to see him.

But he has to try.

He just can't bear the thought of Loki all alone in that awful place, again.

It's been so many times already.

He breaths out through his nose, lifting his face finally and glancing out across the lot towards the front of the building.

It seems so… plain.

So innocuous.

Thor used to think of mental institutes as something out of a horror film, where psychotic serial killers were put; people too dangerous to live in society. Dark halls and flickering lights and ceaseless screaming.

He's been in enough of them now to know they're nothing like that.

And, more often than not, the people inside are being protected from themselves more than society from them.

Like with Loki…

Like with his little brother.

The only person Loki's ever hurt has been himself.

And he's only like that because…

Because everyone else seems to hurt him all the time too.

Thor realizes he's gripping the steering wheel hard enough to make his knuckles go white, and abruptly he lets it go, steadying himself, before at last he reaches for the door handle and gets out of the truck.

Begins making his way across the lot.

He has to at least try.

/

"How long do they think this time?"

Loki isn't looking at him.

He's slumped in the chair opposite, fidgeting absently with his hands, already dressed in their standard issue hospital scrubs.

Thor's eyes fall across his too thin arms. Pale and skinny.

There's a bandage over the crook of his left elbow, where they gave him a sedative, even though he's been told Loki hadn't caused any commotion. It's just a precaution, they say, something they do with all their patients to keep them relaxed.

Thor doesn't quite believe it.

He hates what the drugs do to his brother. His normally sharp, bright eyes dulled and half-lidded. Precise and agile movements made sluggish and tired.

And his voice…

Loki has a tongue of silver usually, articulate and fast and cutting.

Now he speaks slowly and half-unsure sounding, like he can't quite form his thoughts into words.

Eyes moving over his forearms, Thor sees the faded remnants of long healed scars, standing out pinkish and raised against snow white skin. Smaller cuts Loki has inflicted onto himself.

At his wrists, the scars are more pronounced and thicker, doubled over from multiple attempts. Ugly. Marring the otherwise delicate bend and blue veins running through the joints.

Loki's fingers are a little bit dirty, dirt caked underneath the nails, knuckles raw and bruised from hitting something.

Loki punches walls, Thor knows. He gets so angry sometimes.

Loki shrugs, thin shoulders barely rising, his pronounced collarbone showing just above the low cut collar of his singlet.

"Dr. Banner says a week…" he answers, voice soft. "For observation."

Thor stares back at him a moment, saying nothing, before finally his gaze drops away.

"… I'm sorry Loki."

"Don't."

Thor looks up at him, and Loki's still glancing away.

He shakes his head.

"Just don't." He repeats.

"I just want you to be okay." Thor tries once more.

And then the temper flares.

Loki slams his palms against the table, the sound loud and echoing through the room.

Thor flinches, and glances around nervously, seeing the various nurses looking concerned in their direction.

"Loki, don't…" Thor whispers harshly to him, trying urgently to calm him.

"Then don't patronize me Thor." Loki at last raises his eyes, vibrant green boring into him, smoldering anger barely kept in check.

Thor frowns.

"… I wasn't trying to." He mutters after a moment.

And the coiled tension which had been building in his little brothers frame seems at once to dissipate, and he slumps down again, head bowing, hair falling into his face.

His hands slide off the table and into his lap, and he goes silent.

Awkward silence stretches for several minutes, Thor struggling to figure out what to say.

He never knows how Loki is going to react to anything. He's become so volatile in recent years.

"… A weeks not so bad." He finally says, stiffly and anxious.

Loki scoffs, turning his head aside and gazing intently at some indistinct spot across the room.

"Easy to say when you're not the one in here." He says bitterly, and Thor feels his heart sink.

"I didn't think…" he starts to say, and Loki turns to him sharply.

"Don't lie to me Thor." He cuts his older brother off with a hiss. "You're no good at it."

Again he looks away, saying more softly…

"You knew exactly what would happen if you told Mom and Dad."

And Thor can't deny that.

He did know.

It's why he told them in the first place.

He's just so scared for Loki.

Another, long few seconds of silence, and Thor tries a different tact.

"Mom'll be by later in the day." He says.

"Great." Loki returns flatly.

And suddenly he's shaking his head.

"I can't afford to miss my assignments." He complains. "I've already lost credits for the three weeks from before."

Thor latches onto that.

"I can pick up your homework from your classes and bring it to you here." He offers.

Loki glances briefly at him, before looking away once more and shrugging.

"… Okay." He says after a moment, barely audible.

Thor feels some relief over it.

"Anything you need brother, you just ask." He says.

And he dares to reach out, placing a giant hand over Loki's much smaller one, grasping his fingers gently round the fragile wrist.

He half expects Loki to jerk away.

But he does nothing. Just sits in silence.

His skin is too cold.

"Okay?" Thor asks.

And Loki nods.

"… Okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, a huge thank you again to everyone who read and reviewed and faved, etc… Your support is hugely appreciated, and I'm happy to know you're enjoying the story. Hope you liked this chapter, and let me know what you think!


	4. Chapter 4

The next time Darcy sees Loki, it isn't until a week and a half after the blow up in the student parking lot between her and Thor and Jane.

She and Jane have since "reconciled", and Darcy has to laugh at the term. The two of them have bickered constantly since elementary school, and had their little fallings out.

And subsequently, Thor hasn't broken up with her.

Jane could be such a drama queen sometimes, but that's part of why Darcy loves her. Some people might call her a bitch, but Darcy knows it's only because Jane cares so damned much.

She's moving through the hallway, late to her 5th period when she sees him, and another boy, and her heart nearly drops down through her stomach at the sight.

Loki is pressed up against a row of lockers.

The boy, she knows him, a senior named Doug, has his palms pressed flat on either side of Loki's head, effectively trapping him where he stands. He's taller than Loki by a good three inches, and Darcy suddenly remembers what Jane told her about Loki's age. He's only twelve. Doug is seventeen, and shock is suddenly turning very quickly to disgust, and then rage…

Doug smirks.

"Hey freak," he begins, and Loki is staring up at him with glacial eyes. "heard you just got back from a stint in the loony bin."

Doug leans closer, cutting the space between them to mere inches.

"How was that?" He asks.

Loki wants to lean out of the older boys space, wants to duck under his arms and run away. But there's no where to go. He's stuck, and he knows if he tries to escape, he'll just get slammed back against the lockers.

He sneers.

"Why?" He asks, calm voice betraying none of his nervousness. "Are you looking at options Doug? Somewhere to check yourself in? I would say you'd fit right in along all the other lunatics, what with your obvious anger control issues and violent tendenci…"

He's cut short suddenly by a rough hand pressing flat over his mouth and his face being shoved aside until his cheek is crushing flat against the cold metal of the lockers.

"Shut up freak." The older boy spits.

Loki can feel already the grip is too strong for him to escape, and his eyes close as Doug reaches down and grabs hold of his right arm, jerking it up and stretching it out, pressing it flat and pinning it above his head.

It hurts, pain ratcheting down through his shoulder, and Loki works not to cry out.

He hears Doug laugh.

"Look at all them scars!" He breaths out in false astonishment. "Say, freak, how many times you tried to kill yourself now? Rumors going round it's about a dozen times. 'Cept you keep failing cause you're some kind of sissy. What kind of loser can't even kill himself?"

Loki tries pulling his arm free, the pain growing worse as Doug wrenches it harder. But he isn't strong enough, and his free hand comes up, grasping over the older boys wrist. Meaty fingers dig into his cheeks, nails threatening to break the skin, and Loki curses himself for the sting he feels in his eyes, refocusing all his effort into not letting any tears escape.

"Hey, freak, what's the matter?" Doug continues. "Why don't you say nothin'?"

"Let him the hell alone Doug!"

Loki's body stiffens, eyes flying open.

He can't move, and he can't turn his head to see the owner of the voice. But he recognizes it instantly. The girl who came up to him on the back field the week before last.

The older boy's head whips around to find Darcy standing not three feet from them, arms crossed over her chest, face pulled in a scowl of disgust.

"What?" Doug asks stupidly.

And Darcy nods her head towards Loki, still being pressed against the lockers.

"I said let him go, douche bag." She repeats calmly.

Doug glares at her, frowning.

"And why the hell should I do that?" He spits back.

"Because if you don't, I'm gonna start a rumor about you and Christina and how you two haven't fucked yet because despite her practically throwing herself on you, you still can't get it up around her."

Doug stares at her in disbelief a moment, shocked, before his face twists in anger.

"Fucking bitch…" he starts, and she waves him off.

"Yeah, yeah, like I haven't heard that one before." She says. "Now are you gonna let him go, or do you want your reputation to be mud by this time tomorrow afternoon? It's up to you, big boy."

For long seconds more, Doug stares at her, as if trying to determine whether she's bluffing or not. Darcy never breaks eye contact, glaring right back.

Until finally, with a growl of frustration, he steps back, away from Loki, pulling his hand away from his mouth. Before letting go completely, he grabs hold of the smaller boy's collar and shoves him hard to the floor, Loki crashing against his knees and elbows, Doug sauntering away without another word.

Darcy doesn't spare him another glance, rushing over to Loki's side, bending down beside him.

"Are you alright?" She begins, grasping his elbow gently, trying to help him to his feet.

She isn't expecting him to so suddenly shove her away from him.

"Let me alone." He mutters under his breath, pushing himself up slowly.

He turns away from her, and Darcy notices his hand coming up, wiping at his eyes before he makes it fully to his feet.

And then he begins to walk away, and Darcy gapes after him a moment.

"Hey, wait a second!" She shouts finally, taking off after him. "I just saved your butt back there!"

"I didn't ask you to." He dismisses her without slowing his stride. "So leave me be."

But Darcy isn't having it. She breaks into a jog and cuts him off, stepping in front of him.

Again she notices how much taller than her he is, but after facing off against Thor, his little brother doesn't strike a very intimidating figure.

He stops, glaring down at her, and this close, she can see his eyes are glassy, like he's on the verge of tears.

You would never guess it from his hateful expression.

"What's your problem?" She asks. "I was just trying to help you!"

"I DON'T WANT YOUR HELP!" He shouts abruptly, the unexpected rise of his voice causing her to flinch back.

His hands are clenched to fists at his side, and he's shaking.

"What do you want from me?" He continues heatedly, voice growing quiet again. "Why are you bothering me?"

Darcy regards him carefully, frowning slightly at how upset he is.

"… I just thought maybe we could be friends." She begins, uncertain.

"Why?" He asks. "Why do you want to be my friend?"

For a moment, Darcy's mind goes blank, and she just stares back at him a long instant before she finds her voice again.

"… Because you seemed like maybe you needed one, or…"

Loki's expression shifts into one of resigned understanding, his brow deeply furrowed and mouth a thin line of disgust.

"Because you feel sorry for me." He states, not a question. "I don't need your pity. I don't want it. I just want you to leave me the hell alone! Okay? Just leave me alone…"

His voice trails off, and suddenly he's looking away from her, frame going rigid.

Darcy can see he's struggling to control himself, can tell by how rapidly his chest rises and falls.

And at once, he's pushing past her, face still turned away.

Darcy turns with him, watching him moving back down the hall.

"HEY!" She shouts, and he freezes, standing stiff.

She comes back around him, refusing to just let it drop there.

"You ever wonder why you don't have any friends?" She asks hotly, angry. "Maybe it's because you act like such a dick all the time! Who would want to be friends with that? I'm just trying to be nice to you, but it's like you don't even know how to respond to that! I mean, what's your fucking problem Loki?"

He won't look at her, his face still turned aside.

She sees him swallow thickly, and long moments seem to stretch in silence.

Until finally she hears him say, voice almost too soft to hear…

"You're right." He says. "I don't have any friends..."

He turns to her, and she sees a single tear escape down his left cheek.

He wipes it away viciously before it's made its full track, and without another word, he's pushing past her again, striding quickly away.

Darcy realizes her mistake in that very instant, and she turns.

"Loki! Wait!" She calls after him. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean that! I had no right!"

But he isn't listening. He doesn't stop.

And she can only stand and stare as he turns, disappearing from view down another hallway an instant after.

For a long moment, she can't move, until at last, she snaps out of it, turning, a growl of frustration ripping from her throat.

She lashes out, kicking at one of the locker doors, the sound clanging and echoing through the empty hall, before she begins making her way towards the school exit.

She doesn't care about missing class.

She can't deal with that now.

She can't deal with any of this.

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

He wakes with a start, a sharp gasp tearing from his lips.

And all he knows is pain.

Body on fire and burning through every inch.

He flails, crying out and thrashing, blind and suffocating panic taking his insides and twisting everything out of shape.

There are hands on him suddenly, pushing him down, too strong for him to escape, and he screams, tossing his head back and forth.

"NO!" He cries desperately. "NO! NO!"

There are voices, but he can't make out the words. Only laughter, cruel and cutting and ripping through his ears.

"Hurry up with it!" Someone shouts, and Loki struggles harder, sight now blinded by tears, pooling thick and unceasing in his eyes, everything only shapes now, only distorted mass and shadows.

Monsters coming for him in the dark…

There are more hands, grabbing his wrists, his ankles, pressing his shoulders down.

"NO!" He cries again.

And then there is a sharp prick along the crook of his elbow, and things go soft at the edges.

"… no…" he whimpers softly, strength draining from him like water through a sieve.

Tears hot and wet down his temples, slipping into short, sheered hair.

And then there is nothing.

He doesn't see his Mother or Father or brother there.

Doesn't see Frigga bury her face against Odin's shoulder and weep uncontrollably.

Or Thor's own tear stained cheeks, hands curled and kneading through golden locks.

"He'll be alright for now Mrs. Odinson." A doctor tells her, trying to reassure the woman.

But she knows that's a lie.

Because she can't even look at her son.

She can't even look at him…

Her boy…

Beaten and broken as he is.


End file.
